Unleashing Your Inner Power

Spiritual Story by Jen Blackert

Have you ever felt like you were taught to hide or attack your problems instead of looking to your highest self for direction?

We spend too much time on the small details of daily life and not enough time looking at our future vision and inner viewpoint. The truth is I spent much of my late teens and early adulthood in a state of restless anxiety. It seemed as if I was always chasing something, trying to get something or being someone else or somewhere else.

Eventually, I did get what I desired, whatever it was that I was chasing. Family members would point out I was lucky, or that I could turn any bag of thorns into a bouquet of roses.

Yet, I still wasn't happy...

Yes, there were moments of exhilaration when I knew I was going to get what I had been working for, but there was little true happiness.

In 1997, I began to practice yoga regularly at a local gym. I started attending class during work lunch breaks. Hah, I had used yoga mostly as a way to take longer lunch breaks and escape the daily grind. For me, the hardest part of yoga was final rest. Now, I know that it was difficult because on some level, I feared knowing myself on a deeper level. I didn't really like myself. I was afraid of my other self? Who was this other self? I am just one person. Aren't I?

I realized yoga had become an escape from my dual self. Or should I say my dueling self? Yoga was escape from this "other" voice, this negative self-defeating voice in my head. Hah, while other people choose the use of drugs or alcohol, not me, I chose yoga as my drug of choice. Thankfully, it has awakened me to a life of inspiration, consciousness, and flow.

By 2005, I chose to end my corporate career. By the time I left, I was miserable yet still felt trapped by a high paying salary and absolutely zero respect whatsoever. I was tortured with thoughts, "How could I possibly leave such a high paying job? I can't make this kind of money doing anything else." Who was I to tell myself this?

I told myself, "I can't." No one who loved me would tell me such nonsense, whether they thought it or not. Where did I get such ideas? Maybe I didn't love myself. At a minimum, I was verbally abusive to myself. Who had I become? I, of course, didn't realize this until much later.

And then magic started to happen.

One Saturday in March of 2005, I received a phone call from a man in Arizona. At the time we didn't have a cable phone or caller ID or who knows if I would have even answered the line. My number was not available. The man asked if there was a person who practiced transcendental meditation in our home.

I said, "No, but I am very spiritual and I practice and teach yoga." He then, asked if it was Kundalini yoga and again I said, "No. I practice Vinyasa and Ashtanga yoga." I was starting to get a little defensive and agitated with his questions. Who was this guy and was he questioning me?

I began thinking that it was some kind of joke or perhaps he had found my name on some yoga list. Finally, I asked who he was and why he was calling. He said he was a TMer. At the time, I had no idea what a TMer was. He explained that TM stands for Transcendental Meditation.

It's not a religion or philosophy and it can be practiced by anyone looking to experience more mental clarity or reduce stress. I understood it as a form of meditation, but nothing more. He told me that during meditation he saw my number and had a strong sense that I needed to know that the universe was in support of my new direction.

The next week I spent a week practicing yoga at a spiritual retreat center. After each day of practice we wrote about our experiences. After a few hours of intense yoga we would journal about a given topic or our "after-yoga" thoughts.

My journal entries included random statements such as... "We die in the comfort zone. Step out of your comfort zone. There is peace with truth. There is no peace with self-doubt. Life is full of options. We must have the courage to face the truth." I remember crying because at the time I wasn't following my true path and I felt miserable because of it.

The Monday after the retreat, I wandered back into my corporate office refreshed and relaxed. Then I thought, "What am I doing here? Is this just a pay check for me?"� I knew a job like mine was a dream job for others, but why couldn't I just be thankful for what I had? I made it through the day and cried to my husband about my miserable job that night. He had some inspiring wisdom.

He asked, "How will your life change if you leave this job?

My job will support our current living behaviors until you get up to speed with your own business. You will still have your computer, cable T.V. and your car. Your life won't change. I want you to be happy." It seemed so simple to him, but to me it was huge.

By the end of the day on Tuesday, my hard drive crashed -- not the hard drive of my brain, but my computer's hard drive. I would joke to co-workers, "Do you think God is telling me something?"

Many would just giggle, but one man said very seriously, "Yes! You have all this talent waiting to be let out. What are you doing here? What are you waiting for?" These words stuck with me. What was I waiting for?

Why was I holding on to a job that I disliked? Why was I torturing myself? This is my life!

Like all life journeys you must start by opening your eyes to God's awareness. Patanjali wrote, "When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world."

Live it now.