This Buddhism has changed my life.

This Buddhism has changed my life.

This is an easy one.

I had inadvertently been searching for a lifetime; answers to questions on why we are here and “What is the purpose” ever since I can remember. My life was in shambles when I came into this practice. No self esteem, hopes dreams or ambitions. I had a life of disappointment and disillusion. Expectations and disappointments for 44 long and disenchanted years. When I started chanting and praying for others and myself, I had an “Opening of the eyes”.

I always wondered why I came into existence. “Why was I here, Why was my life such a mess”? I always relied on outside forces to generate my happiness and well-being, which was obviously not working. I never realized the power to change myself and my life was within me the whole time; that was until I came to know this practice. My purpose in life is to help others. Simple. That is my destiny and every day I chant for the happiness of others, I discover what my own happiness is all about. My life-long questions about why I am here are answered. The questions we all have are answered. We are all here to help each other.

I can experience happiness in this lifetime and had the power to change myself and my life. I had the power. It was there all along. No one else was ever in control of my destiny. It was me. That freed me from the temptation of resentment toward others and my life condition. I am truly free now. What I do is all up to me. I have been on a journey to forgive and take back my power. It was much easier than I had imagined. Thanks to this practice.
As a child, I had danced around with this notion. I wanted to help people and animals. I chose a profession that did just that as an adult. Some where along the way; I lost my idealistic ambitions. I saw first hand what other people can do to other people. It was sad and scary. I lived my life in such a way; that reflected those experiences. I was in EMS the first half of my adult life. Between my career choice and my personal life, I suffered. I lost myself and my very soul.

I had come from an alcoholic/addicted family. Mostly male role models. Therefore I chose similar traits in all 4 of my marriages. I was angry and resentful after each one of them. Some were abusive and some were just downright dysfunctional. I also became dysfunctional. My children, as they got older, did not understand what I had been going through and were distant. My very abusive second husband took my middle child and disappeared. I thought I would never see him again. Those were my darkest days. I was extremely angry and resentful. I started drinking a lot myself and tried to hide my pain. More so since he took my child from me. I went through years of darkness. I hated life and hated myself for allowing this to happen. I drank more and went through a few more destructive relationships, all the while, telling myself and others; it was someone else’s fault. God was punishing me, I was cursed. Some where along the way, I was introduced to Buddhism. I shunned it at first. I had no knowledge of what it was about and I shunned it. A friend came into my chaotic life and tried to show me a better way. I disregarded it. Several years later, here I am again. Once again, introduced with this Buddhism. I was beaten down at this point and felt like life was slipping away from me. I could look into it and do my research to see if this could be a possibility. This is when I had my awakening.
After I started chanting; and still leery of the notion of religion, since God had cursed me with such a tormented life, my middle son, after 15 long years contacted my oldest son. He was looking for his siblings. My oldest called me that night and told me Josh had sent him a letter asking about him and his younger sister Katlyn. He read the letter to me, reluctantly, because he had been brainwashed to believe I was the devil. But I convinced him to read it to me anyway. He condemned me in the letter. We were so excited to hear from him it didn’t matter.
He left his contact info in the letter. My oldest convinced me I should call the number he gave. So I did. He was less than happy with me calling and would not talk to me. I was so happy at the time that I heard his voice, I didn’t care.

He sent me a nasty letter. I thought this was the end of the world. My long lost son hates me and has been convinced by his father I was Satan and he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I went through all the same emotions I felt when he took him away from me, all over again. I was hurting and depressed. But like I have been told from the beginning, which I didn’t understand at the time, chant for the other person’s happiness. I did it. Repeatedly. All those negative feelings about the ex and how bad he hurt me diminished. I started to “get it”.

Christmas Day, my long lost son who was brain-washed, was on the other line. I couldn’t believe it! He wanted to talk to me! I was elated! We talked for about an hour. I hadn’t talked to him since 1993 when he was two years old, his father dangling him in front of me stating I would never see him again, while he was crying for me. I thought he was lost forever. It was the worst day of my life. I felt like I died that day and the days to follow. My precious angel with someone who beat me regularly and now wanted to have the ultimate control and was taking my son from me. At that moment, I hated him. More than anytime before. I hated him. I thought this was unforgivable. This went on for years. I had no idea where my son went.

My son called a few more times. I chanted and prayed that I would learn how to forgive and chanted for my ex.’s happiness. I did forgive him.

The only thing I ever wanted was to talk to my son. Those are the things that matter most in life. That was the beginning of my benefits since starting this practice. I have had great benefits but my family communicating again is the most special benefit I can imagine. .

I have been learning about how to grasp life by the horns and run with it. I learned how to tap into this potential I have and appreciate what I have today. Not fear the future or regret the past. The gift we are given today is what counts. I can look back at the past with gratitude and know without a shadow of a doubt that my life is what I make it. I have choices to make everyday. I can choose to appreciate what “is” and not worry about what could be. That is freedom. That is true freedom. I have been searching for my freedom all this time. I am free to express myself and free to choose whether I want to be happy, sad, content, or forgiving, which is freeing in and of itself. I have the power. That power, I have accessed through this Buddhist practice. I have found myself and love the life I have today. I can reflect back on the greatest assets in this life. My family and the ones I chose to be with.


I have courage. I didn’t gain this courage until I started chanting. This experience I have just shared was something I didn’t have the courage to talk about anymore. There was so much pain involved; I just stopped talking about it. Today is today. I am courageous today thanks to this practice.

I have become very close with my oldest son. He is in college studying to be a Geophysicist. We spend hours talking on the phone. My middle son contacts me once in a while. That’s ok. He is working and going to school and has a girlfriend. He and my oldest son talk regularly. My youngest, Katlyn is in high school. We have always been close.
My relationship now is one of mutual respect, with my significant other. We have been together for 8 years and are growing closer every day. All I did was chant for others happiness. This was the end result. Now I have my Gohonzon.

My sordid past and destructive way of living has changed because of this practice. I have found myself and come full circle. I am happy. This practice and this Buddhism changed my life and brought my family back together. That is the greatest benefit I can ever imagine.

By: Lacy Teel
SUBMITTED BY JOANNE BANKS